


The day he died

by RarelySleepingAlwaysDreaming



Category: haikyuu
Genre: Angst Suicide and whatnot I don't know how to add the tags properly yet, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Gen, Haikyuu - Freeform, Hiniata Shoyou - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 10:48:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30121605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RarelySleepingAlwaysDreaming/pseuds/RarelySleepingAlwaysDreaming
Summary: It all happened that unfortunate day.It was important date to remember.After all, the only thing that mattered was his death. It was a key to the story. And all took place the day he died.
Kudos: 4





	The day he died

A short, small boy was laying on the gymnasium’s floor. His eyes glued to the ceiling, foggy and absent. Only slightly conscious, cracked halfway open. The boy was wearing light, weak smile, a painful one. 

_Laugher and screams were filling the air between gymnasium’s tall walls. Dull sounds of numerous hands hitting balls and squeaks of sports shoes accompanied victorious exclaims._

When he was here, they were filling his ears. It didn't matter that he was there alone. He could not convince himself that interior of the gymnasium was silent. 

_Characteristic smell of their training hall was mixing with boys’ sweat and yet nobody paid the attencion to it._

He could feel it, all around his head, inside of his nose. He knew he should notice metallic smell of his blood instead, yet he could not make his senses stop pulling this tricks on him. 

_It was loud, vibrant and oh so lively inside. There was so much light too. Rays of sunshine slithering in through the windows._

The darkness of the night surrounded the lonely boy. His fragile figure swallowed in shadows, drowning deeper and deeper into them.  
He knew he shouldn’t have come here to die and yet it was the only place reassuring enough. 

Calmness washed over the little boy as he closed his eyes. 

He had chosen to stay here forever. 

He wished to trap himself on the court with ghosty memories of his friends around. He desperately wanted to stay here, where belonged hours of his training and sweat, his tears and laugh, victories and loses, ups and downs, his dreams. The place he dedicated his whole self to, his heart and soul as well. The place his life couldn’t belong to, so he was willing to give his death to it instead. Here, he was safe and here only he felt alive. 

‘Please’ he prayed silently. ‘Let me stay.’

At first – he was struggling. 

He felt so much that he was slowly going numb.  
It was not simple to understand at first.  
He felt like crimson of burning agony, deep navy of his sorrow, kobicha of pain, stinging yellow of his anxiety all melted into a rotten, grayish whiteness inside of him.  
Nonetheless beyond everything he felt hurt.

He was also so _incredibly_ tired.

His body was trashing around. Icy shivers making their way down his spine. Creeping slowly like thick slime leaving him helpless to seizures. 

Hiniata Shoyou was an expert in feeling helpless though.

It was something he get to experience when seeing volleyball hit the court inches away from his hands, his body following closely behind. Frozen in time but about to hit the floor. The feeling oversaturated with disappointment and silent anger. The bitter awareness that the point was already lost and he was still going to hit the polished floor hardly. The desire to grasp his goals while watching chances slip away. 

Not being fast enough, skilled enough, smart enough. 

Not being _good_ enough.

He was so cold. World spinning before his eyes. He was sure he was falling down, slicing freezing air. Yet his head was on fire, probably eaten away with fever. He could feel his eyes stinging from endless crying and judging by how hard it was getting to blink his eyelids must have been swollen and rosy. 

He felt sick. 

**Worthless.**

Was the air getting thicker?

**Getting in a way.**

It was getting hard to breathe.

**Useless.**

Was he wheezing or was it the wind howling outside the window?

**Waste of the spot in the team.**

He knew it. There was a hole in his chest. His heart shattered to pieces and burnt down to ashes must have damaged it. That was why no oxygen could get down his throat. That’s why his mouth felt so dry. The air could not get past the hole in his chest!

He couched. 

He could hear his own raw, gasps from afar between his ugly sobs. A wave of dizziness made him stiffen a bit. 

_They would be better off without him._

Just like that, it stopped. 

He remembered the dark look of his best friend’s. Kageyama’s sharp glance, his face painted with anger and disappointment haunted Hiniata. It was piercing his heart and spitting ugly truth at his face. The blunt statement of ‘they are going to be better off without you’. 

He thought for a moment about the world without him. The world where he wasn’t messing up important serves or blabbering restlessly about volleyball. The world where he wasn’t so nervous before the match that he puked on his senpai’s pants in the bus. 

His mind seemed to go swirling around this idea. 

_‘I am not going to mess up anyone’s… anything now’_ he’d thought. _‘I am not going to be a burden or annoy the ones I care about or…’_

He felt his pulse in his throat. 

_**“… so disrespectful… jumped to my ball… we could have scored…”**_  
Ba- dump. 

_**“You bring us down.”**_  
Ba- dump.

”Nee-san? Mum and dad fought over you again. He is leaving. It’s YOUR FAULT! I hate you!”  
Ba- dump.

 _ **“Can’t you focus on one damn thing and do it properly?”**_  
Ba- dump.  
Ba- dump.

 _ **“Could you show me some mercy and stop getting in my way?”**_  
Ba- dump.

 _ **“… waste of spot in this team…”**_  
Ba- dump.  
Ba- dump.  
Ba- dump.

 _ **“…caused them to lose…”**_  
...  
Ba- dump.  
…

 _ **“…can’t even hit a serve properly… who even let this kid play?”**_  
Ba- dump. Ba- dump. Ba- dump. Ba- dump. Ba- dump. Ba--

_‘I’ll die…’_

Ba- dump.

_‘ I am going to die’._

He was.

And that made him calm. 

He wasn’t going to be a burden anymore. They’d have to deal with his body- his corpse-, clean up the mess he made on the floor and…

Oh, he felt so sorry for all the trouble. 

His teammates cleaned the polished wooden panels until they were spotless and over the two or maximum three hours later he comes and ruins all their work. 

_**He was so selfish to come here.**_

He was great in ruining their hard work.

_**So egoistic.** _

He was also going to give whoever finds him a trauma too. 

_**How could he…** _

And when he thought why he came to the Karasuno High School Gymnasium the twisted look of agony left his face. Instead small smile played on his chewed, blue-ish lips. 

A short, small boy was laying on the gymnasium’s floor. His eyes glued to the ceiling, foggy and absent. Only slightly conscious, cracked halfway open. The boy was wearing light, weak smile, a painful one. 

_Laugher and screams were filling the air between gymnasium’s tall walls. Dull sounds of numerous hands hitting balls and squeaks of sports shoes accompanied victorious exclaims._

When he was here, they were filling his ears. It didn't matter that he was there alone. He didn’t try to convince himself that interior of the gymnasium was silent. He listened to his memories. 

_Characteristic smell of their training hall was mixing with boys’ sweat and yet nobody paid the attention to it._

He could feel it, all around his head, inside of his nose. And he was softly smelling it in hope to remember it forever.

_It was loud, vibrant and oh so lively inside. There was so much light too. Rays of sunshine slithering in through the windows._

The darkness of the night surrounded the lonely boy. It was allowing him to rest. His fragile figure swallowed in shadows, drowning deeper and deeper into them. Even so, he felt warmth inside. 

_He knew he shouldn’t have come here to die and yet it was the only place reassuring enough. It was nice and safe. It felt good. It felt like it belonged to him so he could be long to it as well. This moment and this place was only his and his dreams’._

Calmness washed over the little boy as he closed his eyes. 

He had chosen to stay here forever. He wished to trap himself on the court with ghostly memories of his friends around. He desperately wanted to stay here, where belonged hours of his training and sweat, his tears and laugh, victories and loses, ups and downs, his dreams. The place he dedicated his whole self to, his heart and soul and everything else he had. The place his life couldn’t belong to, so he was willing to give his death to it instead. Here, he was safe and here only he felt alive. 

‘Please’ he prayed soundlessly. ‘Let me stay.’

The boy felt happy to be there. The boy felt relived about the fact that others won’t have to deal with him anymore. 

The boy was laying on the floor and patiently waiting for sweet mere of death to come to him. 

One thought flashed to him. One last conscious thought before he’ll drift into his dreams forever.

_‘Should I do something before…?’_

_‘Should I… leave them a message?’_

His blood was pooled around him, it’s warmth oddly reassuring. 

If there was one thing he wanted to say. Just a single word that’d fit there, it’d be…

_Sorry._

And he was.


End file.
